


Nerve

by jstadrtyhdlm



Category: All Time Low, Bandom
Genre: All Time Low (Band) - Freeform, Jalex - Freeform, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 19:00:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9780713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jstadrtyhdlm/pseuds/jstadrtyhdlm
Summary: Despite everything, Alex has to admit his feelings for Jack, he just hopes Jack doesn't shut him out.





	

**_Alex's POV:_ **

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in...

I shake my hands, my body, loosening myself up, shaking the nerves away. My stomach is in knots and I'm about 80% sure I'm going to puke.

He's on the other side of that door somewhere. I have absolutely no right to be here. I shouldn't be here.

I am.

I almost don't knock on the door, I think that was probably my better judgement telling me to turn the fuck around and go back to my house, my wife.

I don't.

The door is hard against my knuckles, but I barely notice. There's no turning back now.

His facial expression says it all. Why are you here? What do you want? What could you possibly want from me now?

"Hi," I say.

His mouth opens but nothing comes out, thick eyebrows pulling together in confusion. I want to hear his voice.

"Um, I know I haven't called or anything, but-"

Jack cuts me off, "You got married." He sounds the same.

"What? Oh, I- Yeah. I did." My fingers twist together, I can't seem to stop them.

"What are you doing here, Alex?"

"I wanted to see you, talk to you."

"About what?"

Anything, anything at all. "I don't know," I answer. This is harder than I thought. What was I thinking? Why did I-

Jack tilts his head to the side and switches pressure from his left leg to his right. "You don't know?"

"I..." miss you more than anyone should. I can't say it, I don't.

"Alex, you're married now. Go home." I hear him, but I'm staring down the hall at an old man who keeps looking at us.

"No."

"What?"

I bring my eyes back to his casual form, "I can't."

He cocks a bushy eyebrow, "Why not?"

"Can I come in?" I say uncomfortably, feeling the old man's eyes on my back like a bright spotlight. I'm not here to put on a show.

Jack's grip on the door tightens and he looks at the wall to the left of my head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

He's right, but I can't let him think that. I need this, doesn't he need this? Doesn't he miss me at all?

"Just for a few minutes and I'll leave. I'm not going to try anything funny. I promise." It's a half truth, kind of.

He's reluctant, I can tell, but he opens the door wider. Maybe he feels something for me yet.

I'm stopped by a hand on my chest half way through the door. "Don't fuck with me, Alex. I don't know if I can take it this time."

"I'm," I swallow the lump in my throat, "I'm not."

He offers me something to drink but I decline, taking a seat on the couch against the wall. The place is familiar. I've been here an uncountable amount of times. Some of the memories come back. Skin on skin. Heavy breaths, hearts pumping. The words mumbled against skin when we clung together after it was all over. Feeling alive.

My chest expands thinking about it all. It hurts.

"Well?"

I hadn't realized, but he'd taken a seat on the other end of the couch I was sitting on, facing me expectantly. It's my turn to talk. What did I come here to say again?

"I wanted to apologize," I began. "I was wrong, I shouldn't have-"

"You really don't have to-"

"I do, Jack. I'm sorry but I do." I insist, chewing on my lower lip. "I shouldn't have put her before you. I was scared and I didn't know what to do."

Jack's eyes squeeze shut, they remain closed as he says, "I asked you everyday to stay with me. I told you how I felt but you ignored it and listened to everyone else."

"And it was a mistake!" I cry, reaching out to take his clinched up hand. "It's not the same without you. Everyday I regret it, everyday I want to go back to those moments we had together. I want you. I want you."

"Stop." He tugs his hand back defensively, "Stop talking. You had every opportunity to call off the wedding, but you didn't. I begged you, Alex. You didn't listen. You went through with it and told me to fuck off okay? You fucking had me stand next to you when you married her, to watch. You don't get to come back here when things aren't going well with your wife to get a quick fuck and then leave again. You can't do that."

"I'm not here for that." I say. I'm not. I'm really not.

"You didn't come here for that?" Jack laughs, "Really? Then what are you here for? To just stir up old painful memories? To make me forget? Forgive? You're feeling bad about how things went down and you wanna get it off your fucking conscious? Please humor me, love, because if you're not here for sex, then I don't know what you think you're doing."

Love, he called me love.

"I'm not here to hurt you, Jack. Fuck me, I'm in love with you." I yell, frustrated beyond belief. This is the first time I ever told him that. I never told him during out affair because although I felt it, I didn't know how to put it to words.

Jack made me feel like I was weightless, like I was floating through space and my head was about to explode, but it was okay. It was okay because I was with him and we were together and we were happy. I'd explode a happy man if I could do it with him by my side.

I just didn't know how to tell him that.

He's silent. His eyes rake over me almost violently.

"Fuck. You." He spits, unknowingly ripping me in half, or maybe he knows. I didn't expect that of all things. "You don't get to fucking come here and do this to me. I've accepted that you don't want me. You want her, obviously. So fuck off back to your wife."

"I don't want her. I want you. I've always wanted you."

"That's complete bullshit! Why are you doing this now? Why couldn't you've come to that conclusion months ago? Why are you putting me through this?"

"I'm not trying to!" I'm broken at this point. My voice is scratchy and I just want to kiss him and I know I can't and it's killing me. "I'm trying to make it better! I want to make it up to you and wake up next to you every morning and eat waffles with you and fuck, I don't know, everything, because every moment I spend away from you is a waste of time. I'm sick of wasting time."

"What if I don't want you to make it up to me?" He whispers. "What if I'm done?"

I've been stabbed in the stomach. I'm convinced I have been. "If you don't want me anymore then... I'll leave. I won't come back."

"If I deny you would you stay with her?" Bitterness fills his voice.

"No," I answer honestly. "I don't have real feelings for her. I know what they feel like now and I know I don't have them for her. I can't be married to her and constantly miss you."

He doesn't say anything for a while, just stares down at his knees.

"Jack, look at me," I urged softly, "if you tell me you honestly are done with me I'll get up and leave right now. But no matter what I'll always fucking love you. The term 'love' doesn't even begin to explain the extent of my feelings for you."

He grits his teeth like I've just pissed him off. "God, I hate you." With that he darts forward, tangling his fingers into my hair, pulling me into him. Our lips smack together loudly. "Why... are you... so... fucking..."

So fucking what, I'll never know. The thought gets lost somewhere between the couch and his bedroom. Clothes fly everywhere and within moments we're naked and panting into each other's mouths atop his bed.

"Thank you for coming back for me." Jack finally says when we curl into each other after finishing. My chest swells and I've never felt so proud in my entire life.

I press soft kisses under his ear and down his neck affectionately. I promise myself two things right there.

I'd never hurt him again.

And I'd never let him go.


End file.
